My vibrating phone tugged me gently out of my sleep. The room was dark and the light was not restored. My right hand traced the sides of the pillow for my phone, it was 3:30am and I just got full lives on my candy crush saga.
How or when I had fallen asleep are questions I may not be able to answer. Of a truth, I did not know. I felt the nearness of dawn and still it felt like it would take forever to break.
I tried to sleep, but my mind was filled with thoughts. Thoughts of the event that was to take place later in the day. I reset my alarm and closed my eyes, it felt like the best thing to do.
“Kukuruku…kukuruku” my alarm buzzed, it was 4:45am. I thought I had set the alarm for 5:45am. Hurrying out of my interrupted sleep, I silenced my alarm and immediately put on the flashlight. I had to get out of the house before six if I was to make my appointment of seven.
The journey to the hospital is less than an hour but the usual morning rush could make it take hours. I hastened to the bus-stop to join the queue for the first bus. Forty five minutes later, I was seating on a chair at the hospital reception.
Pretty nurses in neat white dresses walked around carrying files and doing just one thing or the other. I had heard lots of rumours about nurses being wayward. So, as I sat down I wondered how many of them had probably done the same thing I was about to do.
At exactly 7am, the Doctor I had previously met some days before, walked into the reception and invited me to his office. I was offered a seat and immediately reminded of the nature of the process I was about to undergo.
“It’s going to be painful, but you just have to be strong. We’ll be through in no time but you have to cooperate” he said displaying instruments I had asked to see on his table.
For a moment I was terrified, “how exactly are these things going to work on me” I thought to myself. I touched my belly, the slight bulge was about to be reduced. I took a deep breath and told the doctor I was ready.
The Doctor pressed a button and a nurse came in, he said some things to her and asked me to follow her. I complied and was led into a room that smelt of drugs and was filled with medical instruments.
I took off my clothes and laid on a bed covered with brown mackintosh. Two taps were running into two sinks at a corner of the room. I was asked to part my legs and move down a little.
The Doctor came in. In less than a minute, he had white gloves on his hand. A weird smile sat on his cute fresh face as he inserted his hands in my vagina and set to work. I wished for a moment that the setting was different.
A steel instrument was put inside of me and tightly fastened. I could not see below but I felt the fastening and the entrance of another instrument, probably the long needle I had seen on the Doctor’s table.
I felt a stirring, and suddenly it felt like my soul was leaving my body. I felt pain, the pain of my baby being dismembered. The one who had inhabited my womb for four weeks without disturbing me. No morning sickness of any sort, just a slight belly bulge with an obvious black line and bigger breasts.
Three weeks of eating excessively was all it took for me to decide to take a pregnancy test at home. I was amazed when two lines appeared just as I took the test strip out of the bowl of urine.
I stared at the strip for long, maybe hours. As I stared, I remembered taking contraceptives immediately after our brief moment of being carried away. It was the first time contraceptive failed me.
A sudden pumping or probably extracting, reminded me of my present situation and I let out a loud scream. My stomach was churning and I kept screaming. I was sweating profusely and the only reason tears refused to drop from my eyes was the sweetness of the nurses.
They smiled and whispered kind words, maybe they were still going to gossip about me but all through the process, I searched for judgement in their eyes and found none.
The process took a little longer than planned and at some point the Doctor asked if I was sure it was just four weeks old. He said it was a big baby and I wished I could have smiled.
The Doctor stirred and pumped as he extracted my baby from me, saving me the shame I could not afford to bear even though it meant taking my baby’s life.
Few minutes later, he was holding a scissors with cotton wool at it’s tip and I guessed he was about to clean up.
He removed all instruments and announced that he was through with me. Suddenly, my stomach turned and I felt a certain pain descend on me. I felt my body give way to my spirit.
Just then I heard the buzzing of my alarm. I was on my bed, soaked in sweat and the time was 5:45am. I said some words of prayers, placed my hands on my belly and told my baby not to worry about what its Grandpa and Grandma would say or do to me ’cause I was going to cancel the appointment.
I walked into the bathroom and for the first time I looked at my belly in the mirror and smiled.